How do I hate texASS ... let me count the ways

Yes, it's been quite awhile since I've checked in on the blog and I promise I'll catch everyone up on the wanderings through Serbia, Vegas, NYC, Philly, Uncasville, Chile, Ekaterinburg, College Park, Storrs / Hartford and Knoxville. But first I feel I must get this off of my chest before I explode.

We've been in texASS for about 40 hours now. That's 40 hours too long if you ask me.

Arriving on a (shocker) delayed flight from Knoxville on Nov. 5, once we loaded the luggage onto the bus I proceeded to pick up my rental car. Anyone who's ever rented a car here in dallASS knows that it's about 15 minutes away by shuttle. So I get my vehicle and head south to wacko where we'll play Baylor the next night.

By the time I arrive at the Hilton the bus has unloaded and my bags have been sent to Ellis' room.

I get my key and head to my room. UGH! The hotel is in the process of renovating to improve the rooms from the Motel 6-style rooms to much nicer abodes. As luck would have it, there aren't enough of the renovated rooms for everyone so three of us are stuck on the fourth floor.

Ok, I can deal with that.

I get my bags, unpack and set up my computer. I can't get online for some reason so I resort to ... DIAL UP!!! Even in Siberia they have ethernet connections or wireless in the rooms. This state sucks.

Turns out the hotel's wireless is not working. But you can walk down the block to their sister hotel and use the wireless there. Well, isn't THAT convenient!?!?!?

Because we're playing every other day and traveling on the off days on usually the first flight out I haven't gotten a lot of sleep every other night. So Tuesday morning - game day - is my chance to sleep in. I need it, especially knowing that I'll be up working on post-game stuff until at least midnight.

Seems the hotel folks have other thoughts. Precisely at 8 am the hammering, sawing, drilling, banging, etc., etc., etc., begins RIGHT ABOVE MY HEAD. So much for sleeping in OR getting in an afternoon nap.

At least I got a run in during the afternoon along the river :-)

I start to get ready for the game and the blow dryer in the room goes out. Great. Add another straw to the camel's back. They finally bring up another one, 10 minutes later, by which time my hair is almost completely dried naturally and looks like poop.

Game on. We win. I get back to the hotel and am excited that the restaurant is still open! Psych. The lights are on, but it's closed.

Heading up to my room and back to the dial-up to finish up a few things. Should take about 15-20 minutes, but dialing in extends the time to more like an hour. Pack. Go to sleep. 4.5 hours later the alarm sounds. Get up. Shower. Load bags on bus. 6:30 ... head back north to dallASS.

Get to the rental car place and read that our gate is C26. Take the shuttle to C26. Flight's not listed on the screen. Ask the agent, who states, "oh, we don't list those until about an hour before the flight."

Huh???

"So why are we supposed to get here two hours early?"

Blank stare.

"Oh, you're at A11."

Great.

Shuttle over to A. Get through the line and then through security. Ahhh, time for some food!

I head to Au Bon Pain.

"May I have an orange juice, large black coffee and a toasted everything bagel with cream cheese?"

"What was that?"

Repeat order.

"would you like orange juice, water or coffee with that?"

Repeat order.

"Oh! I'm sorry, but we only have decaf. We've been so busy that we haven't had a chance to make more. Would you like decaf instead?"

"Uh, no. What's the point of decaf?"

Blank stare.

"Would you like orange juice or water instead?"

Repeat order, minus the coffee.

"Oh, I'm sorry, we only have one plain bagel left."

"Fine. I'll take the plain bagel."

I pay. Wait in line for the bagel before being told that they were mistaken. Someone miscounted and the guy in front of me got the final bagel.

Five minutes later I have my refund and head to (gasp!) McDonald's. Yes, I went to McDonald's. I was hungry and in need of coffee and very desperate.

"Hi, may I have a large black coffee and an egg mcmuffin without any Canadian bacon?"

"A small coffee?"

"No, I would like a large black coffee and an egg McMuffin with no Canadian bacon please."

"Do you want bacon instead?"

"No. I do not want any meat on it."

"Was that a small coffee?"

"No! Large please."

"And would you like room for cream?"

ARRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! GET ME OUT OF THIS STATE NOW!!!!!!!

And the worst part? Three days from now I'll be right back here. But at least I get three glorious nights in Phoenix.

Oh yeah, driving past texASS stadium I flipped the birdie the entire time.